Sweaters Knit from Memories

The heather gray yarn, suede elbow patches, and shawl collar

of my sweater always remind me of him.

Maybe because when I call him to mind the only thing I can envision

is a heathered, shawl collared sweater

before the pictures from the albums start pouring into my brain.

Whether or not I ever saw him wear one I do not know.

I know he did at some point.

I know because my dad thinks of him every time he wears his own shawl collared sweater.

It is an odd thing when you have memories of a person that you barely remember.

Today would have been my grandpa's 100th birthday.

He has been gone for almost a quarter of a decade

and yet this day still carries such a bittersweet tone for me.

Every February 2nd I am flooded by memories of him.

Memories to which I have no claim, 

but are constructions of stories and pictures shared by the true owners.

Each year I celebrate and hold onto those happy tales a little tighter 

as my own memories of him fade.

I am so grateful for the legacy he left us;

for the pride I share in knowing that he was the mind behind hundreds of patents;
for his example of a hard working, dedicated, loving husband and father;

for the memories of him we all share;

for his love for me I see each time I see his picture;

for this sweater that makes me feel like I am wearing his.

A Minute of Purpose

One thing I value about my half hour commute is the time it gives me to just be,

 contemplate the world, prepare myself for the day or decompress after work,

and enjoy the often pointless conversations on the radio.

The other day, the morning show host asked his cohorts to share

what they wanted to be remembered for in thirty seconds.

The time limit made many feel rushed,

but the hardest part was making themselves vulnerable to share something so personal.

 

Naturally, I began thinking about what I would say if given the same question.

After much pondering and rewording to find the most eloquent words

I realized the time constraint was key to the authenticity of the answers.

So I decided I needed to sit myself down, set a timer, and record my thoughts.

I'm a paper and pen kind of girl and since it takes a bit longer to write

(and my cell phone timer doesn't time seconds, who knew?)

I adjusted the time to a minute.

Despite the practicing in the car, my mind imitated the blank piece of paper before me

as I struggled to articulate something that has no words.

 

After jotting a few things down before the dreaded timer's chirp,

I realized that I, just like the gang on the radio,

felt vulnerable, like I was revealing a part of me that was meant to be unseen.

The interesting thing

is even though I did not know any of them in person,

I could accurately guess their answers.

Through their work on the radio they had authentically portrayed themselves

and lived out their values- their purpose.

Their actions had already revealed this part of them to the world,

but the act of doing so intentionally made the most outgoing person shy.

 

At the beginning of this new year and as I continue to live out my resolutions,

I found this little exercise very helpful.

I want my resolutions to help me move towards my ultimate purpose. 

I want to live my life in such a way my values are known

 without me having to articulate a thing.

 

The clock is ticking,

what do you want to be remembered for?

 

 

 

 

Happy 2015!

Two weeks into the new year is as good as any to begin working on my resolutions, right?

 

Last year I chose joy as my word for 2014.

I had no idea how many opportunities I would have
which would make choosing joy so very easy.

Joy-filled is the perfect way to describe the year.

 

My word for 2015 came quickly flowing from the year prior.

I entered 2015 overwhelmed with gratitude for all I have been given in my life that has brought me to today. This grateful heart was one that I wanted to remain,

it is so easy to loose it in the busy day to day lives we lead,
and I proclaimed 2015 my year of gratitude.

 

 

How to practically live and foster a grateful heart, however, is not as easy to formulate.

Short of writing a thank you note to every person I have ever encounter in my life and plastering my world with "gratitude" mementoes, I was quickly at a loss of how to live out my chosen theme. So I did what any self respecting nerd would do. I looked up the definition of gratitude in the dictionary.
 

"Gratitude: the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful."
 

Hmmm.

That proved helpful.
 

Then my eyes fell on some words in a note about the origin:
 

"Good will: a friendly disposition; benevolence; kindness."

 

To live out gratitude is to live a life of good will.

To live each moment as a gift.

To be cheerful and kind.

To honor and respect the blessings we receive and share them with others.

 

My block was gone
and I knew right away some ways of gratitude for me to implement in 2015.

 

Bedtime and Morning Routines

Time is a gift and time management honors this gift.

I know myself well enough to acknowledge that if I do not plan it out, it will not happen.

Thus mornings (and any household members) are often greeted by a rushed, tired, and hungry bear.

Getting enough sleep and waking up earlier will help me live each day more cheerfully and to see the morning as a gift rather than the wicked witch.

 

Healthy Living

I am grateful for my body.

Making an active and healthy lifestyle a priority helps me honor this gift.

Exercise and a balanced diet also help fight the grumps.

I am focusing on scheduling time for at least four active things each week.

More veggies and better portion sizes will help on the meal front.

 

Documenting Gratitude

Part of being grateful is noticing the gifts one possesses.

I want to make an effort to make not of all my blessings.

Documenting it in word and pictures was the best place for me to start.

Blessed Is She's #projectblessed daily photo challenge has been a fun way to do this so far.

Just thinking over the prompts lifts my heart.

This little ol' blog will play a role as well.

The ability to be creative is a gift.

Using this gift is the best way to honor it.

 

Acts of Kindness

Here's where all the thank you notes come in!
 

Haha, but seriously...

acknowledging and honoring the sources for the gifts in our lives is so important.

It is too often overlooked. I know I am guilty of this.

This year I know I will be blessed with the opportunity to write many thank you notes,

but I plan to write many more notes of gratitude and friendship throughout the year.

 

And last but not least,

 

Prayers of Thanksgiving

We are in the circle of trust, right?

I am really good at praying when things are rough
 or when I need or want something from God.

But when everything is going my way and I am at my happiest,

I often forget to pause and thank Him for everything.

He created the world and everything in it, including me and all I love,

and yet I continue to fall and fail to cling to Him in all moments.

So I am adding on to my memorized nightly prayers

some praise and thanksgiving
and scheduling some extra time to just be with Him.

 

Cheers to a wonderful 2015 for you and yours!

What are you resolving for this next year?

I'd love to hear or read your posts about them.
Share your wisdom in the comments!

Linkin' up with Jenna for 5 Favorites
and Jess and Katie for Tuesday Talk ...on a Wednesday.

 

 Hugs,
Christina

 

Grief in Joy

A dear college friend of mine lost his wife recently.
It hit me hard.
The depth surprised me.
Because you see,

I was never blessed to meet her.

I knew that she was amazing

purely because he chose her as his bride.
It was a joy to see the amazing outpouring of love he showed her, the smile on his face, and to see the many adoring things she would tag him in on Facebook.
They loved each other so very much.
From what they chose to show the world
you never knew the pain of illness they were walking through.

I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to walk in his shoes right now.

 

The same day I heard the news,
I found myself in a tour of a church and standing before the grave of a dear friend and priest.
We had talked for years about his presiding over my wedding.
"God willing," he would say.
I would agree.
What else do you do when you are talking with a hero in your life
and they set the example of giving over everything to God?
I never wanted to think about the fact that God might not will it
and would shove the fear down into the corners of my mind
to be covered in the shadows unseen but lurking.

As I stood there looking at his grave,
reading his name, the dates, and mulling over conversations in my head I heard,
"I'll be there no matter what, you know that."
Yes. I knew it when he said it.
I knew it now, but it did not take away the thought which screamed in my head,
"You are supposed to be here."

By the exit in the Church a book of names resided.
This book was full of all the dead that we remember in our prayers throughout the year.
I went over and wrote her name in the book.
I wrote the names of my fiancé's grandparents and family that I have never met.
Something was comforting about it.
By writing their names down I felt like I was reaching out and telling them,
"You are not forgotten."
"I wish I would have known you."
 

This past week I have been walking with this grief.
Mulling it over in my head.
 

 At first I thought my grief was for him and their son.
I know a part of it is.
I know him.
He has always been the perfect example of a brother in Christ to me.
It makes perfect sense to grieve with him.
Yet, there still seemed like something was missing.
Until I pieced together the many thoughts of that day.

One of the many things I had looked forward to at our wedding was the opportunity of meeting this beautiful woman who had captured the heart of someone I admire deeply
and their young son.
I wanted to tell her the important role her husband played in my life.
I wanted to get to know her.
I wanted to be her friend.
I had lost some of that.

Isn't that why we grieve?
Because we have lost something.
We mourn the loss of things
and sometimes we mourn the loss of a dream.

In the midst of their loss it can be hard to see the beauty that remains.
I was confused.
How can I be so happy planning for a joyous time in my life,
when there is such pain touching those I love?
When there is this hole in my heart of people missing from it?
How can I be celebrating a dream come true while simultaneously mourning the loss of people that I planned to have there celebrating with me?

The only thing I knew to do was cling onto something solid.
To cling to the fact that I know there is life after this.
To cling to the truth that even though I cannot see, hear, or feel them,
the people I miss are here in a new way.
And as my grandmother would say,
we are all together clinging to the same rugged cross.

 

Hugs,

Christina

 

Capsule Wardrobe

Have you heard about the latest and greatest minimalist trend, the capsule wardrobe?

I first heard of it from Kate, who is utilizing the concept for her maternity wardrobe.

Then Natalie, announced she was trying it out.

And then, I finally found my way to their source, Caroline.

 

Much like the 30 for 30 experiment many tried a few years back,

the capsule wardrobe begins with the concept of narrowing your wardrobe to versatile pieces that you love and teaching yourself to stretch your styling muscles.

With a capsule, however, it is a bit longer than 30 days,

it is a season or three months.

 

The idea of narrowing down your wardrobe to a minimal amount and discovering what you truly miss and need and what you never wear and do not even remember owning

is intriguing to me.

 

I love the idea,

but I also really love clothes

and variety

and shopping

and shoes

and being able to put off my laundry

and clothes...

so I am hesitant.

 

The knowledge that my life is at a transition point,

where I will be packing and moving onto a new stage

that includes sharing a closet for the first time in my life

and with boy,

however,

is tugging at me.

 

Maybe I need to learn to let go a bit more.

Maybe I need to learn what I really need and what is excess.

Maybe I need to downsize before he finds out how much comes with me ;)

Honestly though, it has gone through my head.

 

If I do move forward, I will have to make some adaptations, because I do have a full time job which requires business attire that I do not wear any other day,

and the weather is a bit colder here than Texas

which means snow boots and winter coats of varying warmth

may make an appearance even mid-Fall.

 

What are your thoughts?

 

Have you ever considered doing something like this?

 

What would you do?

 

Hugs,

Christina



The Pearl

Awhile back, I was invited to attend and speak at a girls' beauty night. My topic was to share some thoughts on true beauty and tips for styling outfits with jewelry. I jumped on the opportunity to be able to focus not only on external beauty, but to reflect on internal beauty as well and I wanted to share it with you.

via

As women we learn a lot from each other. We mimic our mother as we play house. We give each other make overs, shop together, convincing each other to buy or not to buy, analyze situations, and learn what it means to be a woman. So what I have to share, is not really mine alone, it is something I learned from another woman.

A few years ago, a couple girlfriends and I met for coffee. At one point in the conversation my friend referred to the two of us as treasures. Being one not to take compliments well, I turned her sentiment around and asked the deep question, "If you were a piece of pirate treasure, what would you be and why?" After my even deeper answer that I would be a crown, because "it is always the Queen's way," my friend responded. She would want to be a simple strand of pearls.

Her desire to be a pearl was not because they were sophisticated, classic, or pretty. She desired to be a pearl because they start off as a tiny grain of sand and over time become beautiful.

This answer struck my heart and continues to do so. Her reply summed up one the deep desire that I believe every woman feels. She desired for someone to see her, not as a comely grain of sand, but as a beautiful pearl. The hours women spend on making things beautiful are an expression of their deep desire to be precious, like a precious pearl.

This thought quickly turns to the merchant in Scripture that sells all his possessions to hold a solitary pearl of great price. This parable can be read as calling us to leave worldly desires behind for heaven, but there is another meaning that my friend's comment brought to my heart. We are already the pearl which is worth giving everything for. We started off as dirt (or ashes in the Lenten spirit) and God painstakingly created us in his Image and Likeness. The dignity we possess deserves even more awe than the world's rarest pearl.

So everything we wear and do should reflect and draw out the beauty that is already there. And if we have questions, we can ask ourselves, is this becoming of a treasured pearl?

Just in case you were wondering, my friend's dream came true. Not only did someone see her as a pearl, but he gave her pearls, and a wedding ring too.

Hugs,
Christina

We made it! Post 7 for Seven in Seven.

A Word To Live By

My resolution for 2014 is one word:

 

Joy is not about feeling "goody, goody gumdrops" all the time.
I think we forget that, I know I forget that.

Joy is a gift. 

It is a result of the choices we make. 
Just like love, joy is a choice. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.
 

Joy comes from choosing:
 

to do the right thing without looking for acclaim.

to love until it hurts and our heart grows and we can love even more.

to do the ordinary as if it were extraordinary.

to accept who you are and what you are called to be and moving towards it.

to find the good in every situation.

 to be content with what you have.

to put others first.

to share joy.

to be joyful.

 

This year I am going to focus on being thankful for the joy I have already received, finding joy in the every day, and spreading joy to those I love most and every person I come into contact with each day. The daily doings to reach this resolution may vary, but let's start with the simple questions first:

 

Does this live joy?

Does this bring joy?

Does this spread joy?

 

 What word will you live by this 2014?

 

Linking up with all the lovely ladies hosting:

1. Small Fry Blog

2. Casey Wiegand

3. Kelli Murray

4. In Honor of Design 

5. Little Baby Garvin 

6. Summer Saldana

7. Oh Dear Drea

Roots

The highways and air are filled with travelers going near and far 

to their destinations with friends and family.

I am blessed to not have to venture much to be with those most dear to me during the holidays.

In college, I had the desire to have a fresh start in a new city.

My job, however, brought me back home. It has been the biggest blessing.

And my desire to one day raise my family in my hometown grows stronger each year. The desire to roam still exists, but it is always coupled with the knowledge of the greater desire to stay.

For my roots are planted in the same soil my grandparents tilled.

Where I come from: 

Family comes first.

Laughter is a daily exercise.

It does not feel right until everyone is home.

There is no shame in saying, "sorry."

Holidays are spent with family.

Gentlemen hold doors for ladies.

The dishes sit until the dinner conversation is over.

Dinner can last a couple hours.

Please and thank you are still part of the vocabulary.

Movie quotes are used in normal conversation.

Fortune cookie fortunes are always read out loud and often saved.

Pajamas are not seen outside of home.

Shopping trips are followed by fashion shows.

Breakfast food is served for dinner.

Christmas is not about the presents, but presents are our love language.

Gag gifts may cost more than the 'real' gift.

Wrapping paper is re-used.

Meals always start with a prayer.

Kitchens are for cooking, singing, and dancing.

Musicals are re-enacted/created impromptu.

Books are read out loud.

Books are in every room of the house.

Leaving before the party is over does not feel right.

Faith is not just for Sunday.

Children are a blessing.

Doing what is right is not always easy, but applauded.

There is not a day without the words, "I love you."

There's no place like home. 

This post was partially inspired by Jenni's here.

Bold and Restless

Last week Megan posted this quote:

"In order to write we must have an awareness of who we are--and who we aren't. If you don't know either, writing can help teach it.

Know that writing is born from the ache of contraries, polarities in search of peace, of unity. But not the unity of making mush. You want to live in the country. Your husband is an urban boy. You compromise and both live in the suburbs. What a squash of desire and energy.

Can you instead hold the tension until something fresh and howling results? You must find your way to this when you write.

What bold restless extremes do you carry inside?"

This struck me. It expresses, in a different way, a view of writing about which I feel strongly.

Writing is a form of art. Through art truth is conveyed or the process of exploring and discovering truth is documented. Without the aim of sharing truth, writing can be “making mush” or a noise adding to an unintelligible din.

The most poignant of pieces are those that express a truth of human experience or thought that is timeless. A written piece does not have to encapsulate the entire truth of the world, but it holds at least a tiny aspect of truth. Sometimes it is only the simple truth that someone else out there in feels the same way as I do about a facet of the world.

It makes me wonder if this sharing and discovering of another or the greater picture may just be what puts those restless extremes to rest.

Some more of mine:

The worst environment for writing is one that is quiet enough you can hear every solitary conversation or sound clearly. The best environment is one of silence or enough noise that the sounds blend together into the background; both following several repeats of my writing songs.

Mr. Knightley is the best of Jane Austen's heroes.

Cranky typically equals hungry, tired, overwhelmed, or all of the above.

A pop of red makes everything better.

More than anything I want to be a wife and mother 
and to turn a house into a home.

Human love is a reflection of an even greater love. 
Despite how undeserving I feel, I am lovable. God loves me.

I have a burning desire to do something big and make a difference. Sometimes the big thing is to simply live and see the extraordinary in the ordinary.

What are some of yours?

Have a wonderful weekend!

Hugs, 
Christina